I started this a year ago....but I finished it tonight

         What you allow is what will continue...

I really don't think that God is into punishment, but he allows us to punish ourselves.

For me that's how I seem to learn, the hard way, it gives one perspective, wisdom and strength. I allowed it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Perhaps this is not "healthy" but it's what I have cultivated, I mustn't dismiss that I have, at times had a dark cloud hovering over me. I have at times been ridiculously negative and had to fight against the smothering feelings of self pity and self loathing.

I am thankful for my Christian upbringing. I have always had a rock to cling on to when the seas of life were thrashing me around. I love church. I do not always choose to go, but when I do; it's family. I believe in a personal relationship with my creator. It is one of my favorite things that I can claim; a "personal relationship" with God. Just mine.

I have been unhappy with the effects of time on my body. I am 47 today. That is weird. As I write this, my husband is handing me a Reese's Peanut butter Ice cream cup and I am gladly eating it. Tomorrow, I am meeting with my trainer at the gym. I signed up for a year of training; my birthday present to me. I met with him once already, we did weights and worked my upper body and arms. I couldn't move the next day but it feels good. Not only that but my trainer guessed my age to be 33-35yrs. So yay me!

God has shown His face to me. I have turned a corner from fear;.....and He had to take me to my personal bottom line before I saw it. I am that stubborn.

I am only allowing good and kind things this year. I believe in people, and their goodness and I believe that if I am kind and good I will attract that in my own life. I am claiming new and exciting things.

This is my birthday wish to me.