Friendship

I adore it

I love it

Having friends

Has saved me


  I think, all the time, of friends that have come and gone. I think about how great it will be when I see them again.

   Significant moments can happen with people whose presence may be fleeting in your life. But that gives them no less significance in the big picture.

 Memory:  June 1994, San Francisco

My friend Dan's neighbor, Michael, drove me to the airport. I had been there for a week. I was escaping the chaos that was my divorce. What better, safer place. My sweet friend Dan took the week off. We explored, we walked, we talked, we laughed and we cried.  During the week stay, his neighbor Michael was a constant fixture. Just a big, sweet, lovable presence. Who made us dinner and told us stories. He was the first person I ever met who was HIV positive. He was an open soul, and I only knew him for like 6 days. He was driving me to the airport and I was bitching about my life and after a week of hearing it he turned to me and said;

"Honey, there comes a time when you have got to pick up your petticoats and get on with it."

Then he bid me goodbye. We hugged, and I never saw him again. He had an accent. Atlanta, I think. But you know, I never, ever, forgot that. He told me what I needed to hear more than anyone else could and he was an outsider. A virtual stranger compared to most everyone else. Or else maybe, (and this is my favorite theory) he was an angel. :-)

a song

Gently

Peacefully

Joyfully

His spirit rests upon us

Lift your eyes of faith to see

The one who came to set you free

And may we see

A little more

Of Jesus today


Jesus, Jesus how I trust him
how I've proved him
over and over

My Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Oh for faith
to trust Him more

Les Miz bound

I think it's funny that life is unpredictable. I am going to see Les Miserables. It's in the 25th year. I saw it in the late 80's. I think it's weird that I can't remember exactly when I saw it.  But I remember the experience like it was yesterday. In the Shubert Theatre, I felt like I had been there before. That was the first weird thing. Then as the show went on I was transported, apart from my companions, something happened. I call it, IN THE ZONE. Ha ha. I was in the zone. I can't wait to experience it again with my husband. He has never seen it, he has bronchitis, and I still think he will love it. It's gonna be a trip.

I think it's nice when we get little suprises in life. Blessings are abundant most of the time. We just don't take the time to notice. I entered this little video contest and made a silly video with my dog, and now I'm getting orchestra seats on opening night for Les Miserables 25th anniversary production. God is good.

Change

There have been times in my life where change has been thrust upon me.

There have also been times when I have purposely made a change.

Then there are times when you know something has to change, but you are not quite sure how to go about it. This is where I'm at.

Praying for change is scary at times. It doesn't come with comfy feelings. In fact, for me, it makes me nervous. It's amazing how many negative thoughts I had about myself today while I was getting ready for a job interview. I had to stop myself. This is the devil trying to defeat me. Trying to pull down every success before it even happens. I have been speaking scripture all day. The last thing the devil wants is to see me succeed. So, I have learned to expect these "attacks" on my self esteem, and I am coming out with my spiritual guns blazing.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I do believe that. I know a lot of people do. But the point I think a lot of us miss is that this is being done daily. God is prospering us daily, if we let Him.  It might take a while to get to where we think we are supposed to be but that doesn't mean we are not on the right track.

 Faith. Just faith. I can do that.

I think that I have used a lot of excuses to justify my behavior. I have been doing too many things that I can, and not enough things that I should. But, I know that what I should do is not worry about it. Circumstances are gonna mess up your life no matter what. It's how you deal with it that is the true test of character. God has never let me down before. There is no reason to worry. When we worry, I think it hurts God's feelings because really what we're saying is, "I don't trust you".  I don't want God to think for one second that I don't trust him!  So, each time a negative thought comes into my head, or I get a little uncomfortable with life, I just say "LORD! That's not me!" and He always says , "Yeah, I know." I know that He loves me in spite of my negative self. He allows me to view myself with a great sense of humor and I am grateful. I just kinda laugh at some of the thoughts in my head. But, I think that's progress. :-)

afternoon visitor

I know there is a spiritual pull in my life that is connected to those who have passed. I don't know if everyone "hears from" their loved ones like I do, but it happens to me a lot. My mother-in-law passed about a year and a half ago. The other day I was cleaning my sink and I thought of her. I was using Clorox clean-up spray. This item came high recommended by her. Especially after she helped my husband Jerry and I clean our rental house before we moved out. I must admit, the house was pretty dirty. But I didn't really feel the need to clean that week because I knew we were going to be moving. I remember Mike, my mother-in-law, who was a clean freak, made a memorable comment.

"If I ever come to your new house and it's this dirty, you and I are gonna dance Missy, and I don't mean tango!"

She also loaded up her blue Chevy Avalanche with her carpet shampoo-er and proceeded to shampoo the entire house twice. God I loved that woman.

So, today I was cleaning my sink with Clorox clean-up and I thought of Mike; then I looked out my kitchen window and I saw a blue Chevy Avalanche drive by. Then I said, "Hi mom".

Some of you may scoff and say that is just a coincidence. I say no.

Then I went and kissed my husband. She loved him so much. I know she is watching over us.

By the way;
When we finally got moved in to the new place Mike came to visit us. She brought us a housewarming gift;  a years supply of cleaning products. She wasn't one for subtlety.
I will always miss her. Til I see her again in heaven.

The Contest

http://youtu.be/lQoZ93HlhBM

I recently entered a contest to win front row seats to Les Miserables when it comes to LA. This was a fun project. I have to thank my dog Momo for being such a great sport. I showed this to my husband and he thinks I have lost my mind. Haha! However, I came in this morning to see him watching it again.

  I saw Les Miserables in 1989 when is came to LA. I just remember being absolutely transported. It's just incredible. One of my dream roles has always been Madame Thenardier so this video is kind of a spoof on that, with little Mo playing Cosette. 

Yes, I am a goofball....

It's one of my best qualities.

Blog therapy

    It could be intimidating to read a blog post with this title. I am mostly posting this today for my own benefit. This whole blog idea is a way to get some of the crap that is in my head, out of my head. So, with that disclaimer out there.....read on. Perhaps you'll recognize some of this "crap".  Sorry so crass, it's my mood.

   I am so glad that I have the scriptures. I know that they are very powerful when used in prayer. Today I am feeling consumed. My mind is a constant dripping faucet of negativity. I feel overwhelmed at times. Today is one of those days.  I read a verse today that helped me feel some peace.

This I call to mind and therefore I have hope;
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassion's never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness                (Lamentations 3:21-23)

Thank God for new mornings!

I think maybe by the time I turn 45 I might figure out how to be a grown-up. I wonder if I will always feel like a 15 year old. I am always amazed that so many of my close friends describe me as a strong woman. I think I give off that persona. It's my stature and intense expressions. I am after all, an actress. At times I think it serves me well. But there is something about being an actress that allows you to hide pieces of yourself away.  I know many actor-types that would probably beg to differ with me...or maybe not. But; I do think its a fine line between reality and the escapist tendencies of the artist. It's just too dang easy to "act" like we know what we're doing instead of doing the work of being, becoming, and changing. What I'm trying to say is this; I'm tired of acting strong; time to BE strong! I am unlimited!  I feel a change coming on.